This is My Testimony

This morning I woke up and felt the need to write my testimony. Right now I have a splitting headache as I type, but I know that’s just the enemy trying to stop me. I’m writing this today to help others, to help myself, and to bring others closer to God. I truly believe that my words will help others who have—or are in—that season where they’re at their breaking point. All I can say right now is hold on, and share my words with you.

I was baptized as a child and again in October 2018. I feel like between 2018 and this year, I was going through the motions with my faith. I know Covid was hard for many of us—disconnecting us from churches and community. But my testimony isn’t about that. It’s about having a relationship with Jesus.

 I heard on a podcast: Think about the most important person in your life. How do you think that person would feel if you only spent one hour with them every week?

Yeah. That’s how I would explain 2018–2025.

 In January, I got really sick. One morning I woke up and could barely crawl out of bed. I couldn’t complete sentences. I was legitimately scared. I had heart palpitations, and basically slept more than I was awake. When I did something that took effort, I would sleep it off for a couple of days. This level of atrophy lasted a couple of weeks. I started to schedule appointments with all the specialists to try to seek an answer. I went down the ChatGPT rabbit hole of putting my symptoms in and getting what tests to take or what I could possibly have.The thing is—I had to slow down. And if anyone knows me, slowing down and saying no is not in my vocabulary. But that’s what I had to do.

My businesses were done. I had spent way too much money on them to recover—not telling my husband how bad it was. And now I was sick—and there was nothing I could do. I was afraid to tell him, and that fear ate at me.

It was like an unraveling of everything I knew.

My body didn’t want to work.

My mind was mush.

I felt like a failure at my businesses.

I had to focus on getting better.

I was having endless appointments. How many, you ask? I hit our family deductible of $4,000 by February—by myself. That’s the level of it.

In the silence and slowness of this season, and as my health questions went unanswered, I started to lean on Jesus. I got on my Bible app and started to read daily. I started to talk to Jesus a lot.

When Lent started at the beginning of March this year, I decided I was going to give up all podcasts and music that was non-secular. I poured myself into listening to Christian music all the time and podcasts like The Leader’s Cut and Lights On with Carl Lentz.

I’m still on this path and haven’t faltered. I feel like doing this has given me a posture of creating a spiritual environment for myself—in my home, in my car—focusing on having that connection with Him. I gobbled up anything that I could. The Chosen and House of David were two of the things I wanted to talk about, share, and couldn’t get enough of.

I created an hour-long routine every morning that was centered in conversation, meditation, and teachings with the Bible and the Lord. It sets me up for the day. I’ll write a blog post about this in detail.

 When I don’t do it, I can tell—by how I act, how I think. It’s like I fall back into my old self. And that’s exactly what the enemy wants.

 And guess what? I started to feel better. They never figured out what was wrong with me. I started getting back on my supplements, added a nicotine patch, and focused on my relationship with God.

 I personally think God gave me this time. I’m saying this to you in the straightest way—I think God gave me my sickness. I truly believe that.

And right now you’re like, aren’t you mad at Him?

NO. I’m grateful that He did.

He was always with me.

He knew what the outcome was going to be.

I just had to believe it.

He has spoken to me during this time. He tells me to slow down, focus on Him, forgive, let go, find grace, and don’t worry—it will all come.

 It’s truly like I am reborn out of this season. I am a new person. I lean on God FIRST. I have a relationship with Him every single day.

I know I’m going to land a job when the timing is right, and I try not to worry—because I know He has me. He’s already making the way.

I feel a joy and peace in my heart with Him that I never could’ve imagined before.

I’m obedient to Him. And when I disobey, things get messed up. It’s like He’s teaching me, the same way I tried to teach my daughter when she was a little girl and did something wrong. He gives us a million chances. We can screw up, and He forgives us. 

Two months ago, I recognized that I needed to do a Freedom Prayer. I scheduled it for May 15th. A Freedom Prayer session is a type of Christian prayer ministry designed to help individuals find freedom from barriers and hindrances that may keep them from experiencing joy and peace in Christ.

I’ll be completely honest—even after all the things I told you in my testimony, I didn’t trust Jesus. I didn’t fully trust my husband. My past experiences with men made me equate Mike and Jesus in the same boat. And I know that seems crazy, but I couldn’t unwire the damage of the past. No book, no psychiatrist, no motivational quote, no drug… nothing was going to unwire that except for God. So I went into the Freedom Prayer not knowing what to expect. But God came to me during the session. He hugged me and was with me the whole time. He told me He was with me during the times I was hurt by men. And I took all that hurt, pain, and distrust—laid it at the feet of the cross—and it was no longer mine. My chains were broken from my past. It was unbelievable. God told me that He brought Michael to me to be the person I could trust forever. I am forever changed from that night with three women who prayed over me and guided me through the process.

 Here’s what I can tell you now:

I was sick, and now I’m not.

I was feeling anxious, and now I’m not.

I felt like I couldn’t trust anyone, and now I don’t think that.

 This is not about religion. This is not about politics. Anyone who knows me knows that’s not my rap.

This is about how having a relationship with the Father saved and freed me. And He can do that for you too.

 I am reborn (again), and this time I know that God has my back. I can screw up, and I have to come right back and keep working on my relationship with Him—because that’s where things change.

 If you’re reading or hearing this and feel like you’re at the end of yourself—good. That’s where the beginning starts.

 God doesn’t waste pain. He doesn’t leave us in the dark for nothing.

 You’re not broken. You’re being rebuilt.

 Keep going. Keep seeking.

 He’s not done with your story yet.